Descriptive Paragraph
I hear my favorite song and I look at my pocket I see my phone is ringing so I pick up. it’s the home girl and she tells me there’s a party on Friday. She asks if I’m going to go and I say “of course.” You know I cant miss a party because this party girl loves to have fun. I wake up every morning thinking about it. It’s the only topic my friends talk about at lunch. We plan what were going to wear what were going to do and where were going to sleep. I love parties to me its what keeps me going. The love I have for them is bigger than a fat kid with cake. I cant wait its barely Tuesday and I can already imagine it. As I think about it I feel my heart beating really fast and I feel butterflies in my stomach. I imagine it I know its like all the other parties but every time they get even better and better. When I get to the party all my friends are going to be there I first go and say “wuz up” to everyone. Then I hit the dance floor with all my friends. It feels so good just feeling the beat of the music and just dancing to it. When you dance you don’t care about anything its like all the stress goes away and you just have fun without thinking of anything. And that is why I cant wait until Friday I don’t think I’m going to have fun I know I’m going to have fun.
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1 comment:
Candy,
I noticed that you posted the same thing three times, so I just chose this one to post my comment on. It certainly expresses your love of parties and gives us some insight into what you like to do. To answer your question about how it could be improved: I think more strong adjectives, verbs, and figurative language might have made it “come alive” to a greater extent. Like, instead of “I wake up every morning,” maybe something like “I anxiously wake up …” One really effective phrase was “hit the dance floor.” It is figurative; because you literally don’t “hit” the dance floor, but it conveys the excitement, and power getting to the dance floor the first time.
Your blog posts are good Candy, keep it up. You seem to be following Fahrenheit quite nicely. I did not notice the first descriptive essay on here, on what you fear, and you lost some points because of that. If you have it and there was just a mix up let me know.
Mr. J
Mr. J
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